Home

Advertisement

Whipping myself into shape! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Whipping myself into shape!

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2007|06:47 pm]
[mood | depressed]

I'm back. And worse than ever. I'm starting over.

I just got off the phone and found out I didn't get the promotion I've been interviewing for for the past 3 weeks. I found out Friday I have to have a root canal. My girlfriend and I are fighting constantly. I think I may have killed a squirrel. If I don't write these two 20-page papers and four 3-page papers tonight, I'm going to fail my first class of grad school. I'm poor. I'm fat. And I'm fucking PISSED OFF!

But the only thing I can really control is the one thing I've let get OUT of control for months now. I'm almost back up to 245 lbs, and all my hard work from last summer and fall have been erased. I've been gorging myself on Easter candy and fried shit, pizza and buffets, too much alcohol and NO exercise. In fact, I even sold off the Mini Marathon entry I was so excited about, because I completely and utterly failed at training myself for it.

I feel at the end of my rope.

Now it's time to take some fucking action for once in my life. With everything spiraling out of control, I think about killing myself constantly. But I would like to be skinny before I die. I mean, not even skinny. I just don't want my stomach to rest on my lap when I sit down. I don't want the be the fattest girl in the room, and I don't want to feel as worthless as I do right now.

I think losing weight will be simple once I actually just DO IT. I bought a treadmill in January and have used it less than 5 times total. I taught myself to make all kinds of low-fat vegetarian meals, but order out nearly every night. It's time to stop. If I can't make anything else in my life go my way, I might as well try to control my eating and exercising and become the person I want to be, at least in one small way.

Who knows? Maybe everything else will come naturally afterward.

Starting tomorrow, I'm just going to start working out again, and make sure I stick with it without all the excuses I'm go good at. And I'm going to put away the candy and chips--I just have to keep myself convinced that instant gratification will be nothing compared to how I'll feel once I actually accomplish losing weight.

Not being fat has been my biggest dream my entire life, and it's the one thing I alway fail at. Maybe this time, since the rest of my life so royally sucks, I'll be able to do it.
linkpost comment

Mini-Marathon! [Nov. 13th, 2006|01:32 pm]
[mood | excited]

I know I haven't posted for awhile, but I'm still making progress. I'm down to around 220 now, and working at it every day.
I decided this weekend to sign up for the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon!!! It's in May, so I think that'll give me plenty of time to prepare, as well as a concrete goal for weight loss--to be able to run 13.1 miles by May without dying :)
I've never done anything even CLOSE to this, but I think it's time to challenge myself. I jogged/walked for, like, 45 minutes last week and felt great...just imagine how good I will feel once I can RUN 13 miles without stopping :) I'm currently looking at training sites, but they all start with you running 3-4 miles...I don't think they understand I'm a fat girl with an aversion to anything close to running! I mean, I'm one of those people who would play dead rather than run away from something. However, that needs to change, and a $45 entry fee is a good motivator to actually finish!
Cross your fingers that the race doesn't fill up by Wednesday, when I get paid. And I'll be posting my progress on here...wish me luck!
linkpost comment

Total suckiness. [Oct. 26th, 2006|01:30 pm]
SW: 245
CW: 221.5

So I'm still losing weight, SLOWLY but surely. I really need to step things up. I haven't been working out at ALL, and I've been eating basically everything I want. I fucked up, but I think I'm over it. Now I just need to focus on the future.
I'm just so, so, so depressed right now. I have really bad seasonal affective disorder anyway, so the weather changing isn't helping things. But I found out last night that my already super-skinny girlfriend has lost 30 lbs since I started my diet. 30 fucking pounds. Now I hate her, I'm more discouraged than ever, and I can't think of a way to get over it.
Except joining her in not eating.
Life sucks.
link1 comment|post comment

Discouraged... [Oct. 2nd, 2006|03:00 pm]
[mood | grumpy]

I'm having issues.
First of all, my scale actually dipped down below 220 for the first time in years, but then I weighed myself today at work and it's back up to 226.5 :( I actually ate very little all weekend, but what I did eat was junk food because I was on the run, out of town, at concerts and amusement parks, etc all weekend.
GRR!
My pants were falling off yesterday, but now I'm back up to 226.5. How does that happen?!
And there's something else that's bothering me WAY more than it should: Basically, my girlfriend has always been in good shape, but not really too skinny. She's around a size 12/14 or so, but has a little shape to her. That's something that made it really hard for me to get used to at first--I'm used to dating guys or bigger girls, and she's the first femme I've ever dated. It's always made me slightly less attracted to her than I would be otherwise, but I normally just don't think about it. However, since I started trying to lose weight in July, I'm the one who cooks all of our meals. She's lost SO MUCH weight! Now, wherever we go, people are talking about how skinny she is, and don't even notice that I've busted my fucking ass to lose the 20 lbs I have. I know you see it more on thin people, but it still really bothers me. She barely ever eats now, all her clothes are falling off, and she's so skinny I don't even want to have sex with her. I don't know what to do, and when I try to talk to her about it she just says it's my fault for cooking healthy foods. However, she never eats lunch at work (I try to make sure I eat a light, balanced lunch every day) and when she does, it's just crackers and coffee or something. I don't know what to do, but it's so discouraging to try so hard to lose weight, only to have her losing so much more without even trying :( I try to make her meals with real butter and stuff, but I can't force her to eat lunch. It just sucks. It would be so much easier if I was dating someone who understood what I was going through, rather than dating a thin person who is now getting super-skinny (seriously, her clavicles could cut glass, and her sternum is starting to pop up out of her chest). Grr.
GRR!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Just gotta work out harder than her, I guess. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I'm coming across obstacles I didn't expect. Why oh why isn't there a fast forward button in life so I could just skip ahead to skinny me??
linkpost comment

Keep on truckin' [Sep. 27th, 2006|02:05 pm]
[mood | chipper]

I took the GRE this morning, so it's finally DONE! The past week, that's all I've been thinking about, so I haven't been so great about working out or eating right. I haven't been eating too horribly, but I've been skipping meals due to stress and such and when I do eat, I tend to over-carb it.
Eh.
I haven't been working out, other than a few random sit-ups or lunges (ooh, found a new lunge! I saw it on Tyra--it's a basic lunge, but you keep the BACK leg straight and BEND the FRONT! It's great for the booty :)) but I've been pretty active, like chasing around my nephew and doing stuff downtown. Now that I'm off my period and the GRE is OVER (!!!!!!!!) I'll be able to get back in gear and work out in the mornings.
Probably not tomorrow morning, however, because I plan to get heinously drunk tonight (to celebrate: I sucked at the verbal with a 580, but kicked ass with a quantitative of 690...and I talked to the college I want to go to, and they said anywhere around 500 is good for the verbal, so I should be golden!).
No more notches on the belt yet, but my mom and girlfriend noticed that my tummy is getting smaller. In fact, I think it may be a "tummy" now, and not a "stomach" like it was! Latest weight: 224. Not too bad...not great, but it's not higher, so that's good!
Here's my weight lost...I still have a looooooooong way to go, though...

And my first goal...still not there, but CLOSE!
link1 comment|post comment

Biggest Loser [Sep. 20th, 2006|09:12 am]
[mood |determined]

Tonight is the season premier of The Biggest Loser, and I'm determined 'play along' from home this year. Every year, I sit there watching (usually crying by the end of the episodes...damn emotional reality tv!) and wishing I were them. Every years, I follow them along their journeys while I lounge on the couch, eating popcorn and drinking, thinking that I could never do it like them. I blame their opportunities, I blame the fact that they are afforded several months off work and away from home. I say it's not realistic for someone like me, someone who has to work and doesn't have a personal chef to make totally healthy food and doesn't have a personal trainer to coax me along. I say it's unreasonable to think I could eliminate all junk food, totally renovate my kitchen, and alter my lifestyle fully and abruptly. I could never spend 24 hours a day working out, and I can't possibly make every single meal from scratch. I can't avoid all temptation, I don't have a million people watching me to motivate me.
However, this year will be different. I've already put myselt in the position to lose weight. I've taken all the 'bad' food out of my house, I've learned over the past few months how to cook great, filling, and healthy meals. I stopped eating fast food, stopped drinking soda, stopped visiting the vending machine every morning around 10am. Everything in my life is lined up for success. Now all I have to do is REALLY put it into motion. I feel like I have a head start on all of the Biggest Loser people, since I already lost 17 or so lbs. It's not much overall, but it IS a start. For the first time (ever!) I'm eating right, resisting temptation, and doing more than just sitting around stuffing my face all night. I feel like I can finally watch with a sense of comraderie, rather than jealousy. The only thing I'm really doing wrong is not working out, but all that's about to change.
One of my friends gave me a gym pass she doesn't use, so I can't bitch about not having anywhere to work out. Now I can, and I will. Although it's freezing outside so I can't jog comfortably right now, I can still do plenty indoors. I just have to step it up. I know I keep saying that, but hopefully following The Biggest Loser will help keep me motivated.
Another motivation that I guess I should talk about is something that I've been thinking about for a LONG time but never thought I'd be able to overcome. I've always been a sexual person, but my last boyfriend really fucked with my head. He made me feel disgusting because of my size, and used every opportunity to make me feel bad about myself. Now, I'm with an amazing girl who totally loves me, but I can't get into her sexually because of my own issues. I can't wait now to lose weight so I can finally look how I feel, and be able to have sex with her without feeling embarassed about my body.
Plus, my exgirlfriend is dating someone really hot and I want her to be jealous of how hot I am now :)
PLUS, next month is Halloween! I really wanted to be in a black pleather catsuit by then...I only have 41 days to lose enough weight to be super fly for my favorite holiday!
So...hopefully the show starting tonight is going to give me some motivation. It's time to hurdle over this plateu and get to my goals. Seriously.
linkpost comment

Aunt Flo and all her baggage [Sep. 19th, 2006|10:33 am]
[mood | bitchy]

I'm going to blame my period for my lack of exercizing the past couple days. After my weekend of gluttony (the Melting Pot for 4 hours was not good...oh, but it was SO GOOD!) I still haven't attempted to work any of it off. I got up at 6am yesterday and today, but it's much harder to convince myself to sweat when I feel all bloated and leaky and gross. So I went back to bed.
I've also been consuming mass quantities of chocolate.
I went off birth control in January (started dating a girl, so it was pointless! haha!) and even since then, my period has come later each month (I'm going a month and a half between them right now) and my PMS keeps getting worse and lasting looooooooooonger. I feel so bloated and cranky and tired, and my tits hurt like eight bitches on a bitch boat! So I think I'll wait until I'm done draining all of my lifeblood out of my vag before I slip into my yoga pants and get working.
Sorry that was graphic. But seriously, gross. Bleeding for 8 days straight sucks.

I haven't been keeping measurements at all, but I think I'm going to start next week. I haven't lost any weight in well over a month, but I still feel like my pants are looser. I want to know if I'm shrinking! I'm waiting until next week, though, because I feel like such a cow right now. Once Aunt Flo has packed her bags and moved out, I think I'll feel a little more prepared to size myself up.

Until then, I'm trying to keep my distance from chocolate, but it keeps calling my name!
linkpost comment

Woohoo Melting Pot! [Sep. 16th, 2006|09:07 am]
[mood | full]

So I TOTALLY fucked up my 'diet' last night and I don't even care because it was sooooo worth it :) I had the most amazing dinner at the Melting Pot...we were actually there for four hours haha! And we had two whole bottles of Oliver Soft Red, which is my fave wine in the universe. We took a lot home, too, so I'm sure I'll be chowing down on some tonight.
Luckily we got the veggie entree, so it really wasn't as fattening as I guess it could have been, and I only ate a fraction of the chocolate course. Still, though, I probably had a million calories or so.
I did work out every day this week except for today...I was too full when I woke up to do much lol
I'm still on my plateu, which is frustrating me to no end, but I know I just need to step it up. I actually weighed in at 228.5 yesterday, and this morning it was at 226.5...however, I'm sure that number will change as my body begins packing on the food from last night! Ah well...at least I'm not giving up. And my belt is getting looser again...I may be moving to notch 6 soon! When I got the belt last year, I usually used the 2nd or 3rd holes. As the year progressed, I mainly used the 1st and 2nd. As I've been losing weight, I went to only the 2nd, then the 3rd, then the 4th, and now I'm on the 5th hole. That means something, right? Even though my scale isn't changing, I do feel like I'm losing some padding around my waist. I have a LOT more to go, but at least my belt is getting bigger, not smaller... :)
link1 comment|post comment

So salty, so yummy... [Sep. 12th, 2006|03:38 pm]
[mood | excited]

I can't stop eating sunflower seeds! I've been devouring them all day, and I cannot stop myself.
I'm feeling really munchy at work and I already ate all the snacks I brought for today. Suck.
Also, I made my reservations for the Melting Pot...maybe I'll step it up to Tae-Boing twice a day for the rest of the week so I don't feel as bad Friday!
Mmm cheese fondue...mmm chocolate fondue...mmm Oliver Soft Red wine...mmmMMM!!!!!
link1 comment|post comment

New day [Sep. 12th, 2006|11:03 am]
[mood | good]

So I didn't do as well yesterday as I had hoped...I went home from work at noon, so I sat around all day tempted by Amish Cinnamon Bread and the like, and ate about a million Luden's cough drops because they're yummy and I convinced myself that they would magically help my through...which, of course, they didn't.
Today got off to a good start, however. I woke up and Tae-Boed (I even kept my abs tight the whole time, which I normally do not because it's hard to remember) and then made myself a great smoothie for breakfast: I had some low carb yogurt that is disgusting, but I blended it with some skim milk and a couple handfuls of blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries, which turned out to be totally delicious (AND has most of my fruits for the day!). I also ate some leftover popcorn, but at least it's Light. And I've managed to drink more water than I have been as well.
I think I'm doing okay so far. Now I have a really nutritious burrito for lunch (my "Mexican shit" which consists of brown rice, black beans, white corns, and lots of tomatoes and veggies, with fat free cheese and fat free sour cream, on a flour tortilla) with some sugar free Jell-O. Yum!
But what for dinner? I'm poor ::sigh:: and mostly out of food. This could be a challenge.
link1 comment|post comment

Bad weekend [Sep. 11th, 2006|11:09 am]
[mood | bouncy]

I had a REALLY bad weekend, food-wise. I was on the run the whole time, going to parties and dinners and baby showers and work and lots of other stuff that put me in direct contact with large quantities of delicious, fattening food. I worked out Saturday, but ate probably 500,000,000 calories in the past several days. Yuck.
When I first started in July, I was keeping track of everything I ate. Then, I was doing so well eating that I stopped keeping track, because I knew I'd be close to my calorie range anyway. However, I've since lost track of how much I've been eating, and I'm not exercising anywhere close to as much as I would like to.
I resumed tracking my food today. I'm not counting calories per say, because that's just too hard, honestly. But I know the caloric and nutritional content of most that I eat, so I'll be able to guesstimate where I am for the day.
My best friend Tara is losing weight with me, and she just got her hair braided (she's like my black twin...same body structure, and now her hair is long and blonde like mine lol!) and challenged me today to lose 20 lbs with her by the time she gets the braids taken back out. I think she's leaving them in for two months, so I need to really get on track with 2lbs/week at least.
I feel like I fell off the diet bandwagon, but I'm getting back on now. I know I've said that a couple times, but it's just hard to keep up with being 'good' all the time, and once I slip up once, I keep doing it.
I am going to eat a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE meal on Friday, which is probably going to have all of my calories, fat, and carbs for the next three months--I'm going to the Melting Pot with my girlfriend for our 6 month anniversary. Ever been to the Melting Pot? Well, it's one of those places where nearly everyone there has their pants unbuckled at the end. It's a fondue place--the first course is beer-cheese fondue served with apples, veggies, and 3 kinds of bread. I think she wants to get the Fiesta Cheese fondue, which actually ALSO comes with tortilla chips. Then you get a salad with lots of cheese and rich, oily dressing. The second course is oil (I also get tempura and a seasame batter) with all kinds of veggies and tofu (vegetarian...at least I'm not getting the steak and lobster one!). You cook the potatoes, broccoli, eggplant, tofu, sqash, spinach ravioli, etc. in the oil, using batter if you prefer. Then they have 6 different sauces and creams to dip it in. The comes dessert...a pot of melted chocolate, and I usually get the turtle which has carmel, milk chocolate, nuts, and a shot of Bailey's. The dessert course comes with: cheesecake, fudge brownies, marshmallows encrusted with cookie crumbs and nuts, pineapples, strawberries, pound cake, etc, all of which you dip in the melted chocolate.
So, yeah, I'm going to eat like a hog. Oink oink! At least I'm planning for it, and will be eating right and working out in preparation this week. At least now I have the good sense to feel guilty about it...I went there twice earlier this year, and I don't know if eating there was really worse than eating anywhere else, given my horrendous eating habits! Now that I've changed how I eat, this meal seems SO crazy...but, damn, it's going to fucking rock! Yum!
linkpost comment

I suck [Sep. 9th, 2006|09:33 am]
[mood | annoyed]

It's only 9am and I've already had two pieces of Amish Cinnamon Bread, a yeast donut, a glass of skim milk, and a glass of OJ. Oy. I hate work pitch-ins!!
At least I worked out this morning... : /
Maybe I'll take a really long walk tonight or something. Because I'll probably be eating more as the day (and pitch-in) progresses.
Sometime I wish I was bullemic so I could eat all this and not feel bad...but then there's the whole vomiting part of it...gross...I'll just keep it down and burn it off. ::sigh::
link2 comments|post comment

God, it's so easy to quit... [Sep. 8th, 2006|11:11 am]
[mood | disappointed]

I'm feeling really discouraged again today. All week I've managed to get up early and work out, I haven't eaten anything 'bad,' I've been actively trying to watch a lot less tv and move more, and I GAINED 1/2 lb! I'm back up to 228...that totally sucks >:( I thought for sure that I'd lose some this week, as I haven't been drinking liquor, I've been eating well, I've been working out (and I've been REALLY working out, not just jumping around my livingroom for 5 minutes, but really working), drinking all my water, taking my vitamins, not eating before bedtime, etc. And still I've gained!
How is this possible?
Maybe I'm really just genetically predispositioned to be fat all my life. Maybe no amount of effort on my part is going to change that. Maybe I should just give up and eat what I want again :(
But of course I can't. I don't want to be sitting here a year from now wondering why I'm 300 lbs and regretting not doing anything about it sooner. But, damn, I need a break! If I could just get down to 220, I'd at least feel like I've accomplished something.
I don't know how much longer I can go on without seeing results.
This is killing me.
linkpost comment

Ay yi yi [Sep. 6th, 2006|09:39 am]
[mood | rejuvenated]

I know it's been forEVer since I last posted, but I really haven't been able to get online at all, and I haven't had anything positive to post anyway. Thanks, though, to BunnyFears for nudging me and making me update :)
I haven't lost any weight since my last post. In fact, I may have gained 3 pounds. A lot of stuff has been going on, and the combination of stress eating, not working out, and visiting my family (which is just like going to a freakin' buffet with all the food stored everywhere, and we hang out in the kitchen...) has messed me up. Also, I've been drinking more than I had been, which I know are just empty calories.

Well, I'm officially back on track now!
Last night, I did something that I rarely do and just closed my eyes and asked for help. From God, from the Goddesses, from Buddha and my guardian angels, from my spirit guide and Indian spirit warrior, from my dead grandmother and whoever else was listening. I just asked for a helping hand to push me through the rough patches.
When I went to Foxfire, the psychic, this spring, she told me that there were angels and spirit guides just waiting to help out. She also told me that the vibrations were in my favor this year, and anything I begin I will finish. I'm putting in my application for grad school in November (to a REALLY good school, and I'm so excited!), but losing weight is the biggest project I've begun.
Somehow, I think just laying my problems out and asking for help...actually helped. This morning, I didn't even hit my snooze alarm! I swung my legs out of bed, dragged myself downstairs, and put on a sportsbra, tank top, and yoga pants. I chugged a glass of water and took a couple hits, then jogged out of the door with my dog. I had my mp3 player cranked up and really pushed myself to run without stopped as long as I could. Honestly, it wasn't that far, but I did my best! I walked until my heart stopped banging around in my chest and then jogged again. I was only out for about 20 minutes, but when I got back, I did a bunch of sit-ups, crunches, and lifted weights for a little while.
I feel so much better when I work out, but it's so hard for me to go to bed early enough to get 8 hours of sleep before 6am. And if I don't get up at 6, I won't have time to work out, shower, and get dressed for work. But if I try to work out after work, I KNOW it won't happen. I'm trying to force myself into bed by 10p, but that doesn't really happen very often. Oh well, I can just keep trying.
I'm back to eating better, too. I was still eating right, but allowing myself a few too many 'cheats,' like getting french fries and eating THREE Cheddar Bay Biscuits at Red Lobster...yikes!
Today I had a bowl of Enriched Bran Flakes with skim milk and 1/2 a banana, and a granola bar later for a snack. I have some fat-free lasagna for lunch, but I may sneak in a bag of baked chips because I predict I'll be starving by the time I get off work.

I wanted to add some motivations for losing weight here, too. I've felt better about myself with those 15 lbs I lost, but since I gained back a couple, I've been discouraged. I think it helps to picture how hot I'm going to be once I lose the rest of this weight, and to think about how a couple certain people are going to be in love with my sexy abs :) Including myself! I want to 'win' at work, but I think one girl is working out a lot more than me and has been getting all of the compliments that I was getting a couple weeks ago. I feel like it's time to surge ahead again and really kick some ass. I'm not going to waste all the time I spend making healthy meals by screwing up and not working out. I'm going to be so fucking hot by next June, yo! Then I'll be the sexy girl walking around Bonnaroo in a bikini top and sari, with my lean, tan tummy exposed. It'll be soooo much more temperate at Bonnaroo without covering my whole body, and I'll have a lot more fun.

Sooo...enough with all this pointless chatter...I'm back! I'm back on track, I'm here with some help, and I'm ready to do this thing!

I wish I was Xena, cuz I'd let loose a fierce battle cry right now. Hehe >^..^
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Aug. 18th, 2006|09:34 am]
[mood | chipper]

I'm not going to be able to post much for a little while (internet crackdown at work) but I wanted to post my weight tracker. I took everyone's idea and made a mini-goal plus my long-term goal. I hope 25 lb increments aren't going to be too frustrating for me. Once I hit this first goal, my second one should take me until 200 lbs...for the first time since early high school! Fingers crossed :) And I did work out today and feel pretty awesome right now :):):):)



link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 16th, 2006|01:10 pm]
[mood | chipper]

Okay, so I just had to MOST AMAZING LASAGNA EVER and I wanted to share :) I made it last night for my 5 month anniversary w/my gf (don't ask me why we're still celebrating every month...it's weird, but I just figured it's residual straight-girl habit) and it is soooooooo good! I had it again for lunch today at work, and now I can't work because I'm so full of deliciousness.
I used the no-boil Barilla lasagna noodles, but I made my own pasta sauce w/my grandmother's tomatoes, some onions and chopped green pepper, plus lots of spices and garlic. For the 'filling' I used low-fat ricotta, which only has 2.5 grams of fat per serving (even most of the 'part skim' ricotta had at least 6 grams) and used egg whites, rather than whole eggs. For the cheese, I managed to find some fat-free mozzarella and I used low-fat parmesan. Instead of the meat layer, I used a bunch of chopped spinach.
SO FUCKING GOOD!
Seriously. I can't stop thinking about how yummy it was, or how happy my stomach is right now. It makes me happy to find food that's so good, but that's not nearly as fattening as what I would normally eat. I didn't miss the 'real' cheese at all, and in fact think I prefer it this way (besides, it's much nicer to not feel horribly guilty when I'm done eating).
Last night I also made some muffins from my fiber bran cereal--I used white flour, but I substituted butter with spray butter, and it didn't call for any eggs or sugar or anything. They turned out totally awesome...I think they're called Honey and Spice Banana Muffins or something. Yum! Great for dessert, and great for breakfast today as well :)
I took BunnyFears' advice and, even though I totally didn't feel like working out this morning, I managed to hop around the livingroom to the Blackeyed Peas for about 10 minutes, and worked in about 20 crunches and lifted weights for 12 reps in 2 positions. It's so hard for me to talk myself into working out in the morning because I have to wake up so damn early if I want to get a full workout in AND take a shower before foraging for some sort of breakfast and getting dressed for work.
Anyway, not a bad day today. I've gained a pound or two over the past week, but with the fair and the potluck, plus no exercise, I'm not surprised. Now I'll just have to work harder, and get moving!
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 15th, 2006|09:12 am]
[mood | pessimistic]

I totally suck >:(

I didn't exercise today. Or yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that. I can tell a difference, too--my posture is slouching down again, my stomach is hanging out as much as before. I was finally starting to see results and I feel like I'm ruining it all.
I went to the State Fair on Saturday and actually managed to not be quite as gluttonous as usual. I did eat the fried veggie platter, but I shared it with 3 people instead of shoveling the whole thing in my mouth alone. Then I didn't even get my own Hot Wisconsin Cheese stand selection...I shared with my girlfriend and my mom. I've been waiting all freakin year for some Hot Wisconsin Cheese, and I managed to limit myself to just a few! Enough that I got to savor that steamy, stringy cheese and jalapeno ranch dressing, but not so much that I gained 27 lbs devouring it. I really only ate a fraction of what I normally eat at the fair, so I don't feel too horrible about that. I did eat fries at Chili's the next day, but again I only ate a portion of what I ordinarily would.
So I'm still eating alright, and got a great selection of really healthy food at the store yesterday to use this week, but I'm not going to get results if I don't work out. It's just SO FUCKING HARD!
Does anyone have any tips I could use to force myself to work out in the morning? It's just so easy to talk myself out of it, and by the time I wake up, I have just enough time to get dressed and run out the door for work. What can I do?! I want to get in shape, but eating the right foods won't help me all that much if I still live this sedentary lifestyle. Help, please??
link1 comment|post comment

Whoops [Aug. 10th, 2006|01:24 pm]
[mood | full]

Okay, I went kind of hog-wild at the potluck. I did have the spaghetti, which was made with TONS of full-fat cheese and canned spinach and cheese soup and other weird stuff. Then I went back to seconds. Plus, I had a small handfull of Doritos, 1 1/2 rolls with butter, a couple bites of German Chocolate Cake, and a slice of 7 Up Cake. I didn't eat as much as I normally would at a potluck, but I did eat more than I should.
At least I worked out this morning.
I'll just have to be good for supper!
linkpost comment

Woohoo :) [Aug. 10th, 2006|10:57 am]
[mood | bouncy]



Lost another pound!

Yesterday I made my 'Mexican Shit' burrito stuff, which is basically fat-free and really good for you, and had it with fat-free cheese. I got up this morning and walked/jogged for almost 30 minutes before I had to go home and take a shower, and then ate some fat-free yogurt with my bran flakes and milk.
I'm anxious about lunch today, though, because we're having a potluck at work. I brought a burrito to eat, but several people made me special vegetarian dishes (EVERYONE else eats meat, so now --after 2 years-- they've started bringing me in my own dishes). I mean, one girl made a crock pot full of baked spaghetti with turkey, and made me my own crock pot full without meat. I would feel bad if I don't eat any of it. Maybe I'll just nibble on everything and eat a light dinner. I brought in fruit chunks with honey-lime sauce and cinnamon on top--yum!

***Oh, most exciting thing to happen to me so far this week!!! I looked in the mirror last night and noticed that my double chin is definitely going down! My profile has some semblance of a jaw, not just a slope of pudge! I still have a loooooooong way to go, but it's fucking awesome to see some sort of difference already!!!***
linkpost comment

Feeling good! [Aug. 9th, 2006|08:47 am]
[mood | hopeful]



I didn't work out today, but I did manage to eat well yesterday. After my lunch of chili with fat free cheese (without Fritos or saltines! I NEVER eat chili without one of the two, but I didn't even miss them :)), I drank water all afternoon instead of snacking, and then had a little tofu and low-sodium soy sauce for a snack when I got home. After I ate, I stewed some tomatoes my grandmother gave me from her garden, and started some killer pasta sauce while I went with my friend to get her a tattoo. When I got back, the sauce was absolutely awesome (stewed and peeled tomatoes, red onion, green bell pepper, fresh garlic, basil, parsley, a little rosemary and thyme, and some low-fat parmesan cheese) and I made some whole wheat penne rigate to go with it. I actually hated the pasta--I don't know if I got the wrong brand or what, but the whole wheat seemed grainy and kind of gross. I ate some of it, but mostly ate the sauce and threw away the pasta at the end. I resisted the urge to eat a fudgesicle and went to bed proud of myself :)
I wish I would have worked out this morning, but I did do a couple squats.
After being SO discouraged Monday for gaining 3 lbs, against my better judgment I stepped on the scale when I got to work (still a little embarrassing, but I'm sucking it up) and was met with a pleasant surprise: I re-lost those 3 lbs, and lost an additional 2.5 :) Most of it must have been period-related, so now I feel back on track.
Thank fucking goodness!
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]

Advertisement